Cherry Coffee Cake

Last night I saw you in my dreams. Now I can't wait to go to sleep.

In a translucent green bag, I keep all the cards my grandfather sends me. Birthday cards, Christmas cards, Valentine's Day cards, and an overwhelming number of cards for no occasion. Just to say hello, offer a few words of encouragement and a prayer, and remind me that I am loved.

Since my grandparents moved to Ohio, I don't get to see them very often, but I can always depend on his cards to comfort me. Early this morning I awoke to deal with a bit of strife, and before I laid back down to sleep, I read one of his cards.

Then I saw him in my dreams. We were sitting in the living room at his old house on Coyle. He had his favorite blue mug with gold lettering in his hand, full of steaming black coffee. I sat on his lap. He told me again the story of my birth, how his mother was gravely ill, but fought to live just long enough to see me born into the world. He told me how proud he was that I was named after his daughter. He told me, as he has many times, that he knew even from my infancy that I was born to show the world greatness, that I was a giant.

Then he got sad. He said he could see that I was being knocked off my square, that I was questioning myself, my motives, and my abilities. That in me I was harboring confusion and feelings that is uncharacteristic of me. He said that I was a giant, but I was playing small.

And he was right.

Purpose is one of the most important words in my life. I have chosen to endure so many things because of purpose. My life is meaningful, it has direction, it will have great impact; it has purpose. But lately I've been knocked off my square. I've allowed the doubt of others to make me question myself, my college and career choices and my future. I've allowed the vileness of others to contaminate the serenity in myself. I've allowed others misery to adulterate my happiness. I've lost sight of my purpose.

At the end of my dream, my grandfather sat his mug down, planted me on the floor and stood before me. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a diamond. It was bright, beautiful and captivating. Then he reached in his other pocket and pulled out mud, and covered the diamond in it.

And I awoke, suddenly feeling the need to take a shower, and give my grandfather a call.

Thanks.